


He Knew It Would Hurt

by DivineVarod



Category: Red Dwarf
Genre: Angst, Better than life, Birthday Presents, Loneliness, M/M, Pre-Slash, Self-Sacrifice, Thanks for the Memory
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-12-28
Updated: 2015-12-28
Packaged: 2018-05-10 00:13:42
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,957
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5561329
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DivineVarod/pseuds/DivineVarod
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Following the events of Better Than Life Rimmer decides to give Lister the ultimate birthday present. Lister accepts it gratefully ... Until he finds out the horrific cost.</p>
            </blockquote>





	He Knew It Would Hurt

Rimmer looked up from his book when Lister entered the bunkroom. The look on Rimmer's face gave Lister a pang of guilt. He and the Cat had celebrated Lister's pre-birthday party on a nearby planet without the Hologram. It was not that Lister didn't want him there, but dragging the whole hologramic projection cage along and rebuilding it was just to cumbersome for the few hours they'd be there. Rimmer had never really complained about it, which was surprising. He understood that it was a rather useless endeavour. Not being able to go on short excursions was just another thing he'd had to accept, another limit added to his status as a hologram. No touching, no tasting, no travelling.  
Lister felt for him, life on the ship was monotonous and the short trips were a relieve from the endless boredom.  
If only Rimmer could get a proper lightbee. Holly had told him about it once when Rimmer was sleeping: Rimmer had an old fashioned model that only worked on the Dwarf. But there were versions that would work anywhere – no matter where you were. It would give a hologram almost complete independence. Lister never told Rimmer about this, it would only make him long for another thing he couldn't have.

“Hey, Rimmer.” Lister said almost apologetically.  
Rimmer put his book away. “Had a good night, Listy?”

Lister was surprised by his friendly tone of voice. Rimmer had been unusually quiet since they had returned from the total immersion game “Better Than Life” about a week ago. The trip had come about when Lister tried to distract Rimmer after he'd received the news that his father had died. Although technically three million years ago getting his mother's letter had really rattled him.  
Sadly the virtual vacation had to be cut short when Rimmer's mind practically attacked the game, not being able to accept the good things it was offering him. Lister had always wondered if the “joke” the Cat had played on Rimmer using the Holograms father had caused him to lose it. Looking back on it now the problems had only started after that. He'd never dared to ask.

“Yeah, was okay. Shame you couldn't be there, though.”

Lister meant it. It just wasn't fun when you knew you had to leave someone behind. Especially Rimmer. Sure, there was Holly and the Scutters but on the whole Rimmer was rather helpless. The Scutters always ignored anything he asked so Lister usually had to do everything for him.

“Let's not go there Listy.” Rimmer sighed. He looked at the clock 00.30. “Happy birthday.”  
“Thanks.”  
Rimmer flopped into his bunk. “Tell me about the party then. Was it fun?”

Was it fun? Lister thought about it. They had sang, got drunk and tried to do a few games that went no-where as the Cat refused to accept or learn any of the rules. Where it not for the joy of being somewhere else he might as well have stayed on the ship with Rimmer. If he compared this to the wild parties and drunken nights he'd had on earth and even on the ship with his gang it depressed him. Rimmer seemed in a reflective mood, so Lister saw no harm in telling him the truth about how he felt regarding the evening. For a second he thought he saw a flicker of disappointment in the Holograms face, but he seemed sympathetic.

“You still miss them then, Listy? Your friends?”  
“Of course I do. I miss everyone.”

Rimmer was quiet for a minute, he looked as if he was making a tough decision. He shook his head then looked up at Lister.  
“If you could have them around, however briefly, on your birthday tomorrow-night … Is that something you'd like?”  
Lister looked at Rimmer, what was he on about?  
“Honestly?”  
“Yes.”  
“It'd be a dream come true.”  
“It would only be for ten minutes, half an hour tops. Are you really sure you'd want that?”  
Lister was surprised at Rimmer's insistence. There was no way this was happening so why would he even have to think about this? He turned around to Rimmer and saw two hazel eyes that demanded an answer.  
“Yes, half an hour would be wonderful. A chance to say goodbye …”  
Rimmer nodded thoughtfully.  
“Good.”  
Then the Hologram turned and went to sleep.

The next evening Rimmer told Lister to meet him in the Parrots Bar. When he arrived there it was decked out for a birthday, if rather messily.  
“I'm sorry it isn't properly done. The Scutters ...” Rimmer stammered.  
“Oh, hey. That's okay man, nice try.”  
Rimmer seemed a bit out of sorts, Lister noted. Then he realised the man was staring at him intently.  
“I've never been good at birthdays, but I think I might have got it right this time.” He clicked his heels, told Lister: “Wait here,” and marched out of the bar.  
Lister shook his head and decided he might as well get drunk and tapped himself a beer.  
About five minutes later music started to play and the disco lights begun to flash. A few seconds later, to Lister's utter amazement the room came alive as semi living projections of the crew filled the bar. Laughing, singing, talking, drinking, playing pool, dancing. “What the …” Lister wondered. Then he remembered what Rimmer had asked him the night before. How ever he'd done it, he'd done it. He also remembered that Rimmer told him he'd only have half an hour.  
“Okay Posse!” He screamed, "Let's party!!!

He soon realised that some of the projections were just that; projections to fill the space, a living flashback that was comforting and soothing.  
But he could interact with his gang Petersen, Selby and Chen: joke, play pool, get drunk, do whatever they used to do. He felt a bit odd when the boys started picking on Rimmer. If the Hologram was somehow projecting this why would he let those guys drag him down again? Was this what he thought Lister wanted? No way.  
Lister told his ghost friends: “Quit picking on Rimmer man, he's a great guy, once you get to know him.” To his relief the subject was dropped.  
Despite that minor hiccup Lister had the best time he'd had in months – years, it was like the parties of old. Soon he forgot that his friends were just projections. He only became aware of this again when about twenty-five minutes in the images started to flicker, blur and break up. Lister quickly said his goodbyes to his friends.  
Just in time.

Suddenly – abruptly – everything disappeared in a flash and Lister heard a scream of complete and utter agony echo through the ship. It came from the hologramic projection room and sounded like … Rimmer.

Lister ran to the room the scream had come from and found the Hologram writhing on the floor in what seemed like some sort of epileptic fit, if it wasn't for the fact that black smoke was coming out of him.  
“Smeg, Rimmer!!” Lister exclaimed in horror and knelt next to him, unsure of what to do – he couldn't touch him.  
“Sorry Listy, couldn't sustain …” Rimmer gasped, his eyes moving rapidly, his body twitching and convulsing non stop.  
Confused and scared Lister looked up at Holly.  
“What happened?”  
The computer looked more annoyed then anything else when he replied.  
“Bloody idiot insisted on giving you that projection as a present. I warned him this would happen.”  
“What? What happened?”  
“Bleeding well fried his systems, it did.”  
“How?”  
“The ship can't sustain a big projection like that for longer than five minutes. After that it attacks the host and the biggest power-drain on the ship. Rimmer was both.”  
He didn't want to know, but he had to ask.  
“How does it do that, Hol?”  
“In a nutshell?”  
“Yeah?”  
“Rimmer has been electrocuted about 50 times in the last half hour.”  
Lister felt as if he was going to be sick.

He looked on hopelessly at Rimmer jerking from pain and short-circuiting on the floor.  
“Can we do anything to make him more comfortable?” He begged.  
“Well, I could turn him off.”  
“Do it!!”  
Immediately Rimmer disappeared, leaving behind a static lightbee that burned Lister's hand when he picked it up.  
“If you could cool it, that would help.”  
The lightbee couldn't be put on ice as it wasn't waterproof. Lister decided to put it in his lager cooling-bag. Even his warmest of beer-cans always came out of there nicely chilled.

While Rimmer was cooling, Lister talked to Holly about the gift the Hologram had given him.  
“He'd been thinking about it for ages.” The computer said. “He noticed you'd been a bit down in the dumps lately, talking about your friends more and that. Wanted to give you something you needed. His job to keep you sane, he said.”  
“Did he know …?”  
“It would hurt?”  
“Yeah?”  
“He did. He'd been reading all about it in his Space Corp Hologram Instruction book. When he found out that a hologram could use it's mind to create and control a mass projection of the ship's crew he knew that was what he wanted to give you. I tried to talk him out of it, but he'd made up his mind.”  
Lister didn't understand. Why would Rimmer do this? They'd barely tolerated each other for most of their time on the ship and now he'd endured absolute agony for him. Why?

A few hours later Rimmer was rebooted in his bunk bed. It was soon obvious that he was still in pain, so Holly gave him a holo-sedative. Lister stared at the man with sad eyes. Why had Rimmer wanted to do this for him? He was grateful but the cost were too high. The Hologram was still twitching in his bunk, Lister's heart ached at the sight.  
“Why would you do that for me, knowing the pain you'd be in?” He asked in complete confusion.  
Rimmer tried to focus his eyes on him.  
“Wanted … to give you present … that meant … something …” Rimmer rasped with difficulty.  
Lister could only stare at Rimmer with tears in his eyes wishing he could hug him.  
“F... failed?” Rimmer asked softly as Lister didn't reply. Lister immediately snapped out of his reverie and sat on the edge of Rimmer's bunk.  
“Oh, hey! No, no, smeg Rimmer no. It was a wonderful gift, best night I've had in years! But I'd never have wanted it if I knew you'd be in so much pain … Why did you do this?” No answer. “Why?” Was all Lister could ask, more insistently now. It took Rimmer a moment to control his muscles enough to speak again.  
“You … wanted … to … pay … for … me.” Rimmer gasped. Then his eyes closed in exhaustion. Thankfully the sedative had kicked in.

Lister watched as Rimmer slipped into his sedated sleep. The twitching gradually subsided.  
He pondered about what Rimmer had meant about him wanting to pay for him. Then he remembered: “Better Than Life”, he'd wanted to help Rimmer by paying his debts. But that was over a week ago. Had that meant so much to the Hologram he'd willingly electrocute himself just so he could give him a great night on his birthday? That was too bizarre to even think about. It seemed so unlike Rimmer.  
It wouldn't be long until Lister learned that grand gestures in response to kindness were exactly like Rimmer.

All he knew at that moment was that he'd get his hands on a new independent lightbee for Rimmer no matter what and that come his death-day he'd give him the best party he could possibly throw him. Outside, on a planet – even if he'd have to carry that damn projection cage there himself!


End file.
